none of the above ([info]aisa0) wrote,
@ 2005-11-14 07:29:00
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contemplating a friends only entry
i've never made a friends only entry in this journal. when i first started writing, i didn't think i'd ever have a need to. i'm not really sure if my life got more complicated or whether i started being more careful.

regardless, of late i haven't been able to talk about things that i'd really like to talk about. particularly, i've been careful talking (in depth) about my work situation for fear that it'll be seen by a coworker and work it's way up the chain o' command.

i don't fear being terminated outright, but i'm concerned about---we'll call them changes in responsibility and compensation. and really not anything dramatic, just a subtle pushback. i get enough subtle pushback just because i'm a wierdo.

i really don't want to feel this way, and there is a big part of me that is ready to say "fuck it" and start spilling. i'd probably feel better, no? anyway, i'm contemplating a friends only entry. i know i've some anonymous readers; i'll post a public comment if it happens, so you can either a) finally get an account or b) let me e-mail you the post.

at any rate, why do you make friends only posts? or would i have to protect this post to get that answer. :)

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Not quite blogging
[info]lamasong
2005-11-14 04:02 pm UTC (link)
My current blog is open to all. My livejournal on the other hand was not. There are a few reasons.

1) This was the biggest. I didn't use it as a blog. I used it as a way to communicated directly to a small group of people who used lj.

2) If I mentioned personal things that I would not normally give out to everyone.

3) If I talked specifically about thing that involved other people and I mentioned them. This is mostly for events that I was unsure they would want to share with the world but would be fine for our little group.

4) Occasionally I would talk about my health or work (no detail).

Basically, the first point is the real answer. About a handful of the posts really needed to be. None of those needed to be written though.

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Re: Not quite blogging
[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 04:14 pm UTC (link)
this journal is becoming more a journal and less a blog for me. i find it more interesting to read and comment on the goings on in people's lives, and like somewhat larger communities for topic specific discussions.

which is to say, i get my progressive, vegan, computer news other places.

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[info]tonberrygrrl
2005-11-14 04:41 pm UTC (link)
I thought about doing "friends-only" for some things but ultimately decided, "eh, whatever".

Example: In one case there are a few specific people i'd really rather not keep an eye on me through my LJ — or by any other means either. They did for a while, at the least through my (now defunct) NMT web page... i know by the log files i kept. Everything i did to block them, they found a way around.

I eventually came to the conclusion that if they wanted to find me they would, no matter how well i tried to protect myself from them while leaving myself open for everyone else. It's just difficult to keep a secret in a small community like Tech.

For the exceedingly few (twice ever) times that i wanted only a few friends to see something, i created specific friends filters so that only they could see it. The rest of the time i just didn't post anything at all for fear of word getting around.

I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense. It's definitely one of those "hit by a semi-truck" mornings... *urrgh*

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 04:52 pm UTC (link)
i've more than a few friends who in one capacity or another have had "stalkers" at points in their lives.

a perpetually public forum can make shaking a stalker hard. on the other hand, i like new people being able to find me (hi new people!), which is easier to do if i have a smattering of recent posts public for anyone to read.

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[info]tonberrygrrl
2005-11-14 05:09 pm UTC (link)
/me giggles

What [info]_wirehead_ describes below is more-or-less what i do, except that anything that would be friends-only is routed through /dev/null first. =) I feel that this is a good thing, as i would have a lot of angsty things there that nobody in their right mind would want to read anyway.

So ... if this is something that you've just got to write down or you'll burst, why not do a personal entry? Then later, after the situation has passed and it doesn't really matter who knows about it anymore, open it to the public?

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 05:18 pm UTC (link)
not a bad suggestion at all.

what got me thinking about it is that things i wasn't accustomed to talking about have played a larger role in my life of late, so when i sit down to write, it is all i can think to talk about.

most of the things i'm thinking about are only sensitive for a little while, so i probably could open them public at a later date.

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[info]_wirehead_
2005-11-14 04:43 pm UTC (link)
my friends-only posts are for anything that i'm not necessarily comfortable with the entire internet reading. info like address/phone#/class schedule, organization of social gatherings, and most anything angsty or containing personal details about my relationships tends to fall into that category, though what i'm comfortable with does vary a bit according to my mood. i think i used to be a much more private person before livejournal.

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 04:50 pm UTC (link)
i'm trying to be a much less private person, since i didn't used to talk about myself or my feelings at all. and heck, why not whore myself out to the whole interweb. what else have i got going on!

i do find i also have to balance the needs of people around me though, in that i often deal with topics in confidence, and i can't just go blurting out what everyone tells me. and often for good reason, even disregarding the fact that many would stop telling me things if i started telling them to other people...

i have noticed that the private-ness of a post tends to change with a persons mood. i've seen it across many journals.

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[info]lalabob11
2005-11-14 05:05 pm UTC (link)
Most of my posts are either friends-only or on a filter. When I first started my lj, I was a way more secretive person in general. There were major things about my life that even my oldest friends from high school (and before), some of whom were on lj, didn't know. There are still things that I don't usually want the general public reading about... details of my relationships for example. In general, I am a way more open person now than I was then. My mom and my brother know I am bisexual, most of my family and pretty much all of my friends know that I have two boys, and even my former coworkers found out those things before I left my job. Much of what I mark as friends-only now is more out of habit than anything else. There are still the occasional emo rants and TMI detail-filled posts, which do get put into special filters. I only do this when I talk about something extremely personal or when I have something in a post that I am fairly certain that some of the people on my friends list don't want to see or know about.

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[info]cybercerberus
2005-11-14 05:23 pm UTC (link)
I'll go ahead and toss my ramblings in here.

Originally, I had two places I wrote: My blog, and my LJ. My blog was for "serious" stuff and my LJ was for me to let loose. I found that the restrictiveness of being "serious" or "important" made me enjoy writing in my other blog less, so I deleted it and repurposed it. It's just a project tracker now.

So that leaves my LJ. I am often conflicted about this whole "friends entry" thing. I believe people have a right to privacy, yet at the same time I am somewhat anti-privacy. I despise Friends Only journals since I think they're arrogant and out-of-place being online, but many people have them and I respect their right to make that choice.

I originally intended to never make a friends-only entry. However, I have done so when the subject matter was particularly dangerous to "make public" (mainly job-related details or information that somebody could easily use to mess up my life) but for the most part I go ahead and rant publicly.

I really am always torn about this, because on the one hand I think "If somebody fires me because they don't like my pottymouth online, or think I'm too liberal, then they can go fuck themselves anyway." On the other hand, I'm like "Why expose myself to personal havoc when it's not necessary?" I put my real name openly in my journal, mainly as a statement, but I know it puts me at risk.

So yeah this is no help at all. :) I guess the overall point is "I think it's best to be as open as you can possibly tolerate, personally."

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 06:31 pm UTC (link)
i have *exactly* the same opinion, wow. and the very reason you state is what is keeping me from posting about it.

maybe i'll try ranting about other things...

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[info]spoot14
2005-11-14 05:28 pm UTC (link)
There is always the option of a private entry. The writing itself may help with ranting, then if you eventually feel you can post it with no trouble, you can do so. I have never used a private entry, but I'm the type who openly gripes about things to people I probably shouldn't..... Anyways, if you get it all out in writing, it may help you vent, then you can delete it out of existence if you don't like it, or share it with anyone you feel comfortable with.

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[info]houdini_cs
2005-11-14 05:33 pm UTC (link)
I don't do FO, evidently. I just looked, and I have made 0 FO posts since I went to Vegas, at least.

If you've got something that you don't want work seeing or whatever, you could FO it. You should probably take precautions to make sure that none of your friends know people you work with, or are people you work with, etc.

I tend toward "fuck it".

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 07:27 pm UTC (link)
i've wondered about friends of friends connections on friends only posts. surely you would at times have to deal with a friend who was closer to someone you excluded than they are to you.

or, since you can't see exactly who can view a protected post, maybe talks about it offhand thinking you're "in" as well.

it is enough to tend tward "fuck it."

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[info]wetdryvac
2005-11-14 06:25 pm UTC (link)
Hmm. Typically I don't make friends locked posts unless it's covering business stuff that's applicable to a specific reader - and then I use the flist control for that so they and I both have a place to track projects. Usually that'll last about two to three comments before we switch over to email.

Other than that? I think I'm a wetdryvac and write controversial stuff fairly regularly without friends locking. People can take it or leave it, and I love chewing over issues with clever folks as often as I can - the discourse keeps me from getting too entralled in a subject, and in turn keeps me from making errors of logic. Sometimes.

*shrugs*

Where you're looking at posting on possible work stuff, be aware that LJ is required to turn over material at legal request. Odds are nothing you post will break confidentiality, but it's best to check with your company first - not, "Can I post." But, "What confidentiality agreement are we operating under?"

Beyond that, usually there's social crap that might be better friends locked - but I have bugger all for social skills so I take the lazy out of saying, "Y'all can read this and get pissy or not. Take it or leave it."

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 07:25 pm UTC (link)
thanks for the note about the legal angle. hadn't thought about that.

if the lawyers are involved, we're all screwed...

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[info]wetdryvac
2005-11-14 10:27 pm UTC (link)
*glares at its own words*

Bugger. Enthralled with, not enthralled in. And yeah, lawyer involvement = ergh.

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[info]two_pi_r
2005-11-14 06:41 pm UTC (link)
I use quantum mechanics to generate a number between 208732849 and 109876487198347 and if it's less than 29861785817 or greater than 90950290275892 I make it friends-only

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-14 07:29 pm UTC (link)
stfu!

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[info]two_pi_r
2005-11-14 10:55 pm UTC (link)
Except in cases where situations warrant. Things That Happen on Some Days tend to warrant increased filtering.

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Private Blog
[info]grumpygranpa
2005-11-15 05:11 am UTC (link)
This is a tough one. One way you could communicate and get feedback is to create a new blog with a "nome de plume". You could communicate with your interested friends by email and give them the name so they, and they alone, know who you are. I use much the same process on The Book, but it is no secret who we are locally. Most of the internet probably hasn't a clue.

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[info]latenightparty
2005-11-15 08:13 am UTC (link)
I usually make sensitive or personal content friends-only. I do have public entries, but I don't feel comfortable with my neuroses being open on the internet.

Most of my protected entries aren't filtered. But I do occasionally use filters for extremely sensitive content.

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[info]baronj
2005-11-15 05:33 pm UTC (link)
I use the power of friends-lists to filter useless information from friends who have no interest in certain things.

Stuff relating to Tech is generally of disinterest for people from Colorado, especially rants about how the school is run and other things like that.

Stuff relating to the SCA is generally of disinterest to people who know me through gamergeekyness.

Stuff relating to all of these is generally of disinterest to people who I only know through the 'Burque scene (UNM included).

The majority of my journal entries are friends only, because I'm mildly paranoid. The Internet is not my friend, and neither is LiveJournal. I'm frequently non-specific, and sitting behind a friends-filter just to make sure that random internet stalkers don't get enough information about me to be able to make an effective socially-engineered scam work on me.

My friends list is also restrictive. People can friend me, and read my un-protected random stuff, but I won't reciprocate until I've actually met them in person (with a few rare exceptions).

that being said.... who are you? Why are you reading my stuff?

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-16 09:46 pm UTC (link)
we all drew straws and i get to be your stalker.

but i'm a lazy stalker so if you wouldn't mind just coming around to the places i'm going to be at, it would work better for both of us. :p

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[info]baronj
2005-11-16 10:17 pm UTC (link)
yeah. I don't think I'm going to make Oscilation this year, too much other stuff going on.

Maybe I'll be around in a year to go to '06.

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[info]sapphire_cat
2005-11-15 11:25 pm UTC (link)
I only make f/o posts. Simply because, I don't want things getting back to my ex. **shrugs** Just remember, if you're in a community, and you make a fo post, that community will be able to read it, unless you use the filter instead.

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[info]aisa0
2005-11-16 09:45 pm UTC (link)
lol, wow. i had no idea that was true.

it makes total sense (technically), but fair warning nonetheless.

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[info]jaberwockynmt
2005-11-16 10:25 pm UTC (link)
i'm not really sure if my life got more complicated or whether i started being more careful.
It got more complicated and you are more careful due to the drama that could ensue if some of your complications became fully public.

I don't filter often; just for really personal stuff, but sometimes I want personal stuff to be public so my Mom can read it (she doesn't have an LJ account and won't get one due to the complicatedness of creating it and logging in to it).

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